I woke up at 06:04
dreaming of possibilities
My parents still asleep
while I prepared to leave home.
Now I lie awake, at the same time, wondering
if they still remember today
as the echo of the day
I broke free.
snow peacefully falling
sizzling chocolate chip pancakes filled the room
my brother and his friend watching music videos
excited for their breakfast treat
my world stood still –
The time had come to leave for another life
I walked through the neighborhood to the bus station
snow graciously covering my trackseach step taking me further from myself
I was becoming someone else,
a Me I haven’t fully met yet
One who would learn this world is cruel, Learning about chronic abuse and violence I had survived
trust and love are divine substances –
I had none
I changed my appearance at each bus stop towards my destination
a commitment to disappear.
A necessity to slip between worlds.
I sit here writing about this again, alone, separated from the world I once knew
Few have found their exit from themselves
running parallel lives of who they are and who they had to be to survive
I was sent to the hospital for an addiction to work
My soul tired and heart tattered
saving up for a chance to leave everything behind
a final departure of the world I’d known
hospital room 404 became a sanctuary for the kid the world forgot
a tattoo of 404 branded on my wrist,
a reminder that sometimes, it’s okay to lose yourself.
how I never truly belonged in this world, stuck between versions of myself
My dream of moving west, realized
two time zones and two hours from where I began,
deepening the distance from the kid I once was.
the anniversary now slightly off—just as my life has shifted,
forever changed but still me
A crack in time matching the fracture
inside myself.